Real-Life Decision Making -- Solution
You tell them you will need another home visit before making your decision and make an appointment for next Thursday.
When you come back the following Thursday, Paula and Joe thank you for giving them a second chance. They say they have completely got over their silly little spat. You talk over coffee and home-made pie. You approve them as adoptive parents, and a few months later, they adopt a little girl.
The girl they adopt appears healthy and beautiful, but she suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome and needs extra patience and attention. Unfortunately, her adoptive parents' marriage ends up breaking down.
Although both Joe and Paula love her and want to help her, it is difficult for them to deal with her special needs while she is traveling between their homes -- especially since Joe has moved to another city. Paula and Joe aren't able to talk about their daughter's needs and the girl, feeling misunderstood, becomes even more moody and aggressive. She will need quite a lot of help.
Adoption counselor Glory To had something like this happen once when he was doing a home study. He said to them: "I think that this is not a really good time to continue with this adoption study. It looks like you have some issues to resolve. I would really feel uncomfortable unless there is some clear evidence that you have resolved this. I would recommend marriage counseling."
The couple did go for marriage counseling and they were able to learn what was behind this issue and how to work through such difficulties in their relationship. It took some time, but about a year and a half later, they were ready for a new home study.
To was able to approve them and they adopted a child. It was a tough decision, but To was able to stand by his assessment and help the couple to better prepare for parenthood.